Video Transcript Below:
Hello there! This is Kenny from learnhowtoprosper.com and I wanted to address a question that I got from one of my followers. The question was “how do you work with someone that you don’t like ?”
I think many of us have had this experience where you are in a situation, where you have to work with someone that you don’t particularly care for and I had this experience myself.
In fact, this individual was quite antagonistic and because of the politics of the situation that really made it even worse. I remember one night I came home and I was complaining about it and making a ruckus and my 17 year old daughter at the time said, “Why are you being such a pansy about this? Why are you giving him so much power in your life?”
I hadn’t really thought about it that way but I had turned over a fair amount of my own power and ability to even enjoy my work to this individual.
She said, “Isn’t that a little bit ridiculous?” Well, I really appreciated that advice and having been a counselor and dealt with interpersonal relationships for a long time. I was a little bit chagrined that I had needed my 17 year old daughter to remind me of this key principle but nonetheless, it’s true one of the joys of being a human versus an animal works on instinct is that we have the capacity to think.
We have the capacity to choose and so I went back that day and the first thing I decided is that I liked this person. I just decided, I liked him. I don’t care what he says, I don’t care what he does, I don’t care about the faces that he pulls, I don’t care about the stunts I’m just going to like him. Just a very act of making that decision changed everything.
First of all, he wasn’t draining my power because I didn’t allow that to happen in fact here’s something kind of creepy that happened and that is that I actually did start to appreciate this person more. Now, we never became close friends and we didn’t you know talk about our fishing expeditions on the weekend and that sort of thing but at the very least I enjoyed our interactions and just the act of choosing to like this person.
It changed something in my psychology. I’m sure that the way I interacted with him was different which sent a different signal and then returned back a different response. So, I’ve tried this out multiple times now with different people.
Now, my daughter went on to give me another piece of interesting advice. She said, “Dad, if there’s someone that you don’t like pray for them” Now, that’s a little bit difficult to do and maybe for you. If you don’t believe in prayer that’s okay then I guess what you might consider then is just thinking good vibes about them thinking positive for me.
I did pray and that had an enormous effect on me because I realized that in a very real sense this person is just someone like me with challenges, difficulties. Now, I don’t know all of the challenges that they had but I do know that they’re human and like me makes mistakes and that also changed my perspective.
I think the thing that has helped me the most by approaching all situations in this way is that it gives me back my power. I am empowered I’m not being a victim. I hate the victim mindset that idea that I’m powerless to influence my environment and the fact is we are never powerless we can always and every situation control what we allow into our minds, right?
Viktor Frankl, in man’s search for meaning talked about even in the worst of times when he was in this concentration camp he still had the ability to control the thoughts that he had in his mind all of these terrible things could be happening around him and did happen and yet he didn’t allow that to influence the inner workings of his mind. He would show compassion for those around him. He found meaning in the suffering by helping those who are in need and so he turned from an inward victim focus to an external empowered focus even though he was in a compound with sixteen foot high fences that did not impact the inner workings of his mind the decisions that he could make.
So, how do you deal with someone that you don’t like? How do you work with someone that you don’t like? Simple, decide something different.
Empower yourself, take the situation by the horns and make it something different. We truly are an evolved and intelligent being so we don’t have to leave ourselves susceptible to external forces so with that I give you the challenge as well as myself now to seize the day and to not allow external forces to influence our internal workings.
With that I’ll sign off. Listen, if this video is helpful in any way go ahead and click on the thumbs up button below and you can click on the link to join me on my blog over at learnhowtoprosper.com and with or sign on. Have a great day!