Video Transcript Below:
Hi there! This is Kenny from learnhowtoprosper.com.
Today, I want to answer a question that I get often and it is “How do I find myself?”
This comes up in a lot of different contexts sometimes someone is coming through a divorce maybe they’re a young person trying to find themselves newly arrived at college.
Maybe you’ve just retired and you’re trying to identify your identity, what you do and sometimes it’s just a lifelong quest to find yourself.
How do I find myself?
Well, in order to touch on this, we need to understand a paradox.
There’s this interesting paradox that happens when we talk about the mechanism for finding true peace and also for finding yourself.
Now, a paradox is something that seems like it conflicts in this message.
It’s like the opposite of what you might expect in order to find yourself.
You must give yourself or another way to say it is to give of yourself.
Now, a lot of times you would think well in order to find myself I need to focus on myself and in today’s world with so much focus on self-actualization and maybe even some humanism.
Sometimes, we get so focused on our own needs and our own wants and our own problems and our own challenges and our own ambitions and our own dreams that we get lost.
We get so lost in ourselves that it’s impossible to find our true purpose.
So, in order to find who you are, it’s necessary to reach outside yourself.
Now, there’s a couple of reasons why this is important.
Number one, it gives you a reality check. This is so important if you only live inside your own head, then you’re creating this very small and insular reality that may not be connected to the external world at all.
That’s why it’s so important to reach out, to give of yourself and the best way to give of yourself is to help others in achieving whatever it is that they need or want, right?
So, when you do that and interact with other people you get a sort of feedback.
A feedback loop and that feedback loop helps you understand better about yourself ironically, right?
When you’re 100% focused only on yourself it’s just like you’re in this circle it goes round and round but there’s no intercept.
There’s nothing that really helps you see and understand reality.
Now, there’s another factor here that I want to explore, just clear this if something about when your bucket.
Let me do this again.
If your bucket is empty and you’re trying to fill it inside yourself.
The problem is you’re already operating within yourself.
Whatever you have to give to yourself you’ve already given there’s nothing more.
So, this is the second point but if you focus on filling someone else’s bucket, there’s this kind of paradoxical miracle thing that happened right and what happens instead is if I can get this to go.
You actually end up filling their bucket so you’re filling it as you give and help and assist right and as you fill their bucket there’s this interesting thing that happens.
You actually end up filling your own bucket and try this on as an experiment today and see if you don’t get a different perspective that heightens your awareness and lifts you by focusing on someone else’s needs.
See if that doesn’t actually fill your own bucket and why and how this happens is still a bit of a mystery but I have a hypothesis and that is that often times when you’re giving to someone else you’re often giving that thing that you may most want or need within your own life.
So, for example let’s say that you need validation and affirmation in your life.
Words of affirmation, words of encouragement and so often what you’ll do is give words of encouragement to others.
When you get outside yourself, give them compliments and compliment those around you.
Look for those positive things that they do and as you give a compliment guess what comes back to you.
Compliments, words of affirmation, words of care.
So, that is what is so powerful about getting outside yourself is in the act of giving.
We often give that thing that we need most.
Now, the flip side of that coin is that sometimes the thing that we like least about ourselves is what we criticize in others and when we do that this can happen the other way that when we are criticizing others trying to make ourselves feel better by tearing them down.
Now, what comes back to us and I’ll make this a different color.
Now, it comes back to us if we’re giving, if we’re sending lots of barbs and hate and gossip and negativity then that’s what comes back to us is that negativity.
So, it’s important to be aware that this phenomenon of finding ourselves can work both ways we can lose ourselves also by being negative and in conveying to others.
The negative that we see in ourselves and a lot of times people don’t realize this that when you’re being critical of someone else what you’re really doing is criticizing them for that thing that you see least positive in yourself.
It’s a mirror and I saw this often times and do see it as a counselor when I’m working with someone and when I hear them talk, when I hear their self-talk, when I hear them talk about the world it is like a mirror into their soul.
You start to understand what’s really happening inside of them based on how they project to the external world.
So, to find yourself, give of yourself in the act of serving someone and you may not even realize this but look and see if it isn’t true that when you’re serving someone most often what you’re giving is that thing that you need most that can help you identify in your own life.
Some of your own needs that you may not be aware of that’s why it’s important to journal, that’s the third point here to find yourself.
I’m going to go to a happier color here.
So, journal is the important third step because in the act of journaling and you go back and read it reviews it.
Now, you can see those things that you most need and then you can give and more and give more of that and that is what will come back to you.
It’s just one of those eternal universal principles that when you plant something out there it grows and then that’s what you harvest.
It’s the law of the harvest and you can see it in a thousand different ways.
So, hopefully this has been helpful for you.
I hope that today you’ll take on the challenge to find yourself through giving of yourself and then evaluating to see what it was that you gave and that will give you a good sense of what your needs are and how to find who you really are and your talents and your gifts and the things that you had to contribute to the world because it’s through contribution and production that we find self-worth and confidence.
So if this was helpful to you, go ahead and click on the thumbs up button below.
If you’re seeing this on YouTube, if you’re watching it on my blog, I hope you’ll comment and share your thoughts with me.
And with that, I will sign off .
You can find me over at learnhowtoprosper.com.
Have a great day!
In fact, make it a great day!